Say Hello To The Funkettes And The Crappy Cracky

April 13, 2018 — 39 Comments

Hello to you! In this blog post, we will also be saying hello to The Funkettes. It’s not often these days that I do welcome them into my home however on this occasion they were actually a help, once they’d settled in.

Want to see how and why? Then read on chum, read on.

First let me remind you who The Funkettes are.

As some of you may know, I live with an ongoing depression and anxiety condition. It’s much tamer than it used to be, but it’s still around. Like an unwanted guest two days after Christmas.

The Funkettes are what I have nicknamed my down days. Those silly little blighters that pop in and make you feel like poo. I name them The Funkettes in a bid to make them seem less overwhelming, and more like a sixties Motown girl group – which I love!

Anyhoo, now you know., you have probably realised that they paid a visit recently. No reason, they just thought it was a while since they had seen me last.

The unfortunate side of these visits is that they can affect my creative mojo.

This week, however, I thought that I would see if I could turn that frown upside down and use them to my creative advantage as I think I may have done in the past.

It also gave me a reason to justify a recent, and rather indulgent, spending spree in Millers Art Store in Glasgow which saw me go in for a £3 brush and walk out with £90 worth of ‘stuff’.

So, how did I tie all of this together like the plot of a well written period drama? Well, I just got the stuff out of the bag and let the splodges and splashes of colour begin to guide me through what turned out to be a visual incarnation of The Funkettes.

So, nuff waffle, how’s about some pictures and whatever? I am probably best starting at the beginning.

First, splishy spashy colour.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (1)

I’d like to make that more technical, but that’s what it was.

Drop some colour, see what happened and go with it. Maybe drop some more and see how that changed things. Keep on going until there was a colourful mess.

That’s how this works, right?

After watching paint dry, literally, I decided that it might be cool to add some texture so I had a slow rummage through my box of tricks and found some translucent texture paste.

Stencil drawer was plundered and a little spotty one was selected.

The paste was then half-heartedly dragged through it and the stencil removed.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (2)

A quizzical eyebrow raise later and I kinda liked it.

Cup of tea number umpteen made and I noticed that the colour from the page had been ‘lifted’ by the texture paste and gave it almost a blistered look.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (3)

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (4)Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (4)

My brain began to lift from a lack of mojo and began turning it’s cogs.

Now, what next?

Time for some more splishy splashy I reckon. This time with a little more intent. Not entirely sure what, if anything I was aiming for, but this is what I ended up with.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (5)

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (7)

Very suggestive of a little rascal peeking in to see what mischief he could get up to.

Decided to run with that.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (8)

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (9)

Hmm. Now, it’s not often that a Funkette will arrive alone so he/she/it needed a mate to make mischief with.

I made this by snipping up some of the waste from some splishy splashy paper and chopping off the tail to make it look like they were coming in through the portal/window.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (10)

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (11)

They do look michevious don’t they?!

Continuing to build on the page I added a whitewashed border with a mix of crackle paste, translucent white paint and sky blue paint.

Tried to speed up the drying, and perhaps the cracking, but that didn’t really do anything so I just chucked it on the windowsill to dry normally and went off to make another brew and have a pee.


A further few mins later – didn’t really keep track of the time – and it was dry.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (13)

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (14)

Nice and distressed. In fact, pretty crappy-cracky! I’m not sure that phrase will catch on but it did make me giggle.

Now for some chin-stroking to decide what next.

I sort of decided that if I could be bothered that I would add some lettering so decided to look like a deranged nutter and cut some letters out of old magazines and paste them on, a-la ransom letter style.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (15)

Thankfully it wasn’t a craft magazine. Also, thankfully I didn’t ask for a ransom for all of your craft stash – ‘Your craft stash for the safe return of your other half’… What do you mean I can keep the other half?!

Anyhoo, joking apart, I think that I needed to add something to the lettering so I traced over them with various pens and paint markers, just being totally haphazard.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (16)


They do say that trouble comes in threes so …

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (23)

Another little mischevious mate to muck things up.

I continued to mess about with the acrylic paint pens on the lettering and borders of the coloured bit and eventually decided that I had finished.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (21)

Neat! Well, not neat in anyway shape or form but I still liked it.

Ok, I pretty much called it a day on this one – ready to see the finished thang?

Too late – hear it is.

Meet The Funkettes Mixed Media Page by John Bloodworth Gentleman Crafter (18)

Seriously, joking aside, I actually ended up loving this. It really captured what I didn’t know that I was trying to convey.

The window into the mind. The malevolent mischief makers. The poster-style ad for The Funkettes.


Who knew that a condition such as this could, in fact, provide muse for a project?! Think I might invite them over more often – or maybe not.

Anyway, what did you think? This is not to everyone’s taste or style, but then it wasn’t meant to be I guess. Would you have added or removed anything? Was the lettering too much?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to pop them in the comments section below while I put the kettle on for ANOTHER brew. ;)

Also, if you made it this far – congratulations!

Lol. Right, that’s me done. Take care and I will see you again soon.

J :)

39 responses to Say Hello To The Funkettes And The Crappy Cracky


    Hi john, love your colours and the dots especially once dried, keep up the inspired art, whether visited by the funkettes or not, hopefully less visited, ~ All part of your lovely creative uniqueness. Any of you out there no mojo means time to look at the sky, the trees, the colours in the bricks of a house, whether sunny or cloudy it all has its own beauty.

    Liked by 1 person


    So much fun what a cracking idea. To put those irritating little funkettes on a poster and show them to the world, perhaps it will discourage them to buzz off and stop pecking at our heads. Your sharing helps to inspire so many of us, thank you muchly.



    Cracking stuff John thank you x

    Liked by 1 person


    Thanks for this John. The Funkettes. Hm. They visit. Giving them a visit to the paint and making splodges to show their naughty selves. Ah. The words are good too. I liked the way you kept doodling until you felt right with it. A good positive. Thanks for the sharing of it all.Francesxx

    Liked by 1 person


    John I love this piece, well done for turning a dark mood, into such a positive picture, I’d change nothing…love your use of poster words. Hope your feeling much better, take care Love Doris.

    Liked by 1 person


    Grand indeed. Love the colours, presentation and the end product. Perfect as is. Thanks for sharing. Feel better soon if you can.

    Liked by 2 people

    Marion Commins April 14, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Thanks John. You never fail to do something fabulous with a bit of paint and paper. Have a bag of goggle eyes, and now some inspiration for using them .Thank the funkettes. Xx

    Liked by 2 people


    Love this project John and so pleased it helped you. Don’t change anything. Brilliant as it is.

    Liked by 1 person


    Hi John, thank you for being so open about the Funkettes, I have them staying with me atm 😣😔. It might be selfish but it makes me feel less alone and useless knowing there are others dealing with them. I love what you have done and gives me a kick up the backside to drag myself into my craft room and just do something regardless of how it turns out. Your sense of humour always makes me smile xxxx

    Liked by 3 people


      Hi Chris (and John) You are not alone and you are not selfish for thinking this. I too have the “Funkettes” (I love this) staying with me 24/7 and crafting is my space away from life and what it throws at us.

      John, you are amazing and thank you so so much for sharing this with us. Much love to you.xx

      Liked by 3 people


    Me, I wouldn’t change a thing cos its awesome John, if this is what you do on a Funkettes day WOW. You give us all hope, hang in thwere pet, hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person


    Thank you John, have realised that I must give things a go, despite the fear of starting, its that perfectionist feeling thats stopping me. Hugs to You x

    Liked by 1 person


    I absolutely love it, it’s perfect. I loved the transparent texture paste, never seen it before.
    I hope that the Funkettes have now disappeared now they’re captured on paper!

    Liked by 1 person

    Jackie Lalwani April 14, 2018 at 7:45 am

    Thanks for your efforts posting excellent material to view. Good luck with conquering the funkettes lol . Perfect attitude . Carry on the fight

    Liked by 1 person


    great john glad your out the other end, I usually sit in my pity pot for a few days then write myself a note, tidy craft room tomorrow once I get started with tidying slowly I usually get distracted with crafting Carol

    Liked by 1 person


    Brilliant John..enjoyed following the process. It’s one of the things I love about mixed media…no matter how bad my mood, I’m able to lose myself in my project and mostly feel a lot better once I’ve finished. I love card making, but find I have to be in the right mood to start.

    Liked by 1 person


    Hi John, great that you could turn a negative into a positive with a fabulous end result I love it I would proudly hang it on the wall, hope they’ve gone home now and let you gave a little peace.
    Nancyd xx

    Liked by 1 person


    Hi John much better therapy than the usual ones and you can access it immediately….and from what you have achieved a cracking result to boot! Maybe literally but not when it’s hanging on the window or door…..expensive and painful ha ha.
    Well done on handling the Funkettes in a visually productive way. Keep well. Karen x

    Liked by 1 person


    Really love your messy days trial, actually I do recall that was my new hairstyle when I woke the other morning. Did I your crafting journey help to lift your spirits, I do hope so as you made me giggle. I would be proud to put your art work on the wall . Mind you only the best bits go on the privy wall. Lol
    May have to make you laugh over the naughty bunny in the bath .
    Lots of love 💕
    Mandy xxx

    Liked by 1 person


    Putting a face to a name is always a good thing as they can’t hide in the shadows. Personally I love the finished art work and as always you give us inspiration to try our own and change aspects of it to. Thank you for you constant openness as it gives us confidence to stand up to our ghost too.

    Liked by 1 person


    Love it!…how to turn something malevolent into a very interesting piece of art. I’m going to share this with my son who is going through a “not so good time” at the moment with depression. Maybe it will encourage him to go back to his art therapy group. Can but hope.Take care John

    Liked by 1 person


    I think its awesome John and if this is the way you can deal with them ( the Funkettes) than you have found a great way to do it. Hope now that you made a artwork from them they leave and never return. Take care and have a nice weekend.

    Liked by 1 person


    You are a brave man, facing your Funkettes isn’t easy, turning them into a fun Canvas and making other people grin is just genius!

    Liked by 1 person


    Love it John!. Well done for using those funkettes to inspire you. They have shown you not to fear them but to use them to your advantage! – When mine show up I will ask them to bring some extra legs to walk me into my craft room and get them to show me that I can do it too. You are an inspiration in more ways than one. Well done and thank you x

    Liked by 1 person


    Perfect marriage of process and product and do cathartic. Well done you : )

    Liked by 1 person

    Annette Purkis April 13, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    Will share this with others I know who have regular funkette visits, hopefully this will be a visual reminder to you that although they come, they also go. Stay strong. Annette x

    Liked by 1 person


    Fabulous John, love the funkettes, your creation is amazing. Sendiing hugs for the low/down times x xhazel

    Liked by 1 person


    I love it John! I’m having a pretty Funketta week myself and I get what you mean about trying to describe it never mind create it. I think your page turned out absolutely fabulous and even though it’s such a shitty subject it really gave me a laugh. Keep on keeping on xx

    Liked by 1 person


    Hi John I love your creation it all came together in the end! I love the textures, the colours are great and the funky lettering. It brought a smile to my face. Have a fab weekend.

    Liked by 1 person


    What a brilliant idea on how to work through the misery and, if the project hadn’t worked out so well, you could have used it as a dart board to nail the blighters and imagine them suffering too. As it is they look almost cute with a haze of gloom. Really love the background too. Well done John – hope you’re now feeling strong again. Liz X

    Liked by 1 person


    Well John, something good came out of a bad thing. Good on you for kicking those Funkettes right where they needed it. I thought the first one looked like a rogue cat but I must admit to loving what you did. So glad you were able to do something about your low ebb. Have a lovely weekend. Jackie. xxx

    Liked by 1 person


    Great fun, I have been playing with backgrounds but had not thought of using the paste, mind if I try ? I play in the craft room when downers hit, crafting has turned those days round so often. And people like you encourage the rest of us. THANKS FOR BEING YOU. XXX

    Liked by 1 person


    I was very surprised to find I liked it, as I don’t usually like the style at all. I wouldn’t change anything, because it works so well. I love what it represents as well, or rather the fight against what it represents. Much better than sitting in a chair for 2 or 3 days, then feeling worse because you haven’t done anything. xx

    Liked by 1 person


    Hi John! Hope the Funkettes have gone home for the weekend and given you a bit of peace. I really like this, especially the clear texture paste and the crappy crackly. The Funkettes look a bit of a pain in the a**e! Have a great weekend and take care of yourself. Lorraine x

    Liked by 1 person

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